


Give In Or Give Out

by CookieFlavoredMilk



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: Can't really get enough of each other, Even when they're splitting up, F/F, Gay, Multi, Wives
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-06-11 20:51:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19549300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CookieFlavoredMilk/pseuds/CookieFlavoredMilk
Summary: 3 years into her marriage with her wife, Eve finds out that Oksana used to be a violent psychopath with records. Out of fear, Eve decides to file a divorce and move away. This is their separation process, relying more on Oksana's point of view of the entire train-wreck that is the dissolution of their relationship.(I just want them as an unusual married couple why is that so hard)Attempts were made to make some sense of this fan fiction but the author failed. Regardless, she still published it anyway-- thinking that it may simmer her down from the season 2 finale.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first fan fiction so don't be mean. Be critical and honest but not mean.

PROLOGUE

_"I've given everything for you."_

_"You never gave the truth."_

Oksana is quite the individual. At 17 she was put behind bars, at 18 she was moved into a mental institution, and in her early 20s she had managed to escape and rebuild her life in France. By age 26, she's married to a detective and lives in London without a single person acknowledging her background. Not even her own wife. Which leaves her at this point. Where her wife is going to the court for divorce. As if nothing can be easy for her. No one can be kind to her. The world is always against her.

Eve on the other hand, has a life easier than she does. Every of her actions can be viewed way more reasonable by most of the entire population. When she likes something, she can just get it. When she doesn't like something she can just dispose of it and at this stage of her life, she's going to dispose of her wife.

In this predicament, everyone can see that it's the fault of both parties and to mend things, they will need to reciprocate their own mistakes and reconcile. However, the elephant in the room that seems to be left abandoned is that both of them are just not supposed to be together in the first place. Their entire relationship until now shouldn't have existed. 

Oksana suffers from psychopathy and Eve… well, Eve reeks of normality and when people say that opposites do attract, it just doesn't always apply-- particularly to cases like this. You cannot possibly want to marry and build a home with someone with mental issues.

Eve never tries to fix her. When she still wasn't aware of her true nature, she never tried to do that. She never wanted to mold her into something that she simply cannot be and Oksana reveled in it. Oksana found joy in people who never attempt to change her, people who-- in her head-- assume that she's something broken. Like some sort of an obsolete object that everyone itches to restore.

She can be her self with Eve but then there was that case that Eve needed to get her hands on, where she accidentally came across her old files and now she's about to split with her because she's a psychopath on the run that apparently is still wanted by the institution for whatever reason there might be.

So at this very moment where she is terribly upset, she's planning to kill herself. Do the unexpected. In the hope that the world and the people in it be sorry that it had pushed her too far.

She's prepared everything. The noose, the pills, the firearm, the dress; everything.

but then the door to her hotel room opens for she had forgot to lock it. Possibly meaning that now she's going to be dragged to the halfway house again and pushed to relive her old days another time with Stanislav the old schizophrenic, Helen the beautiful anorexic who, she suspected had already died peacefully on her bunk after the tablets she snuck for her, and Dimitri, the handsome traumatized soldier. For anyone questioning, she doesn't miss them.

"Oksana." Ah. Isn't that the lovely uncle, Konstantin?

"You're not going to stop me." She turns around and smiles. She's going to keep smiling until he leaves her alone and just let her die the way she's always planned to.

"I'm not going to. I don't know how anyway." He steps farther into the room to be closer to her. Once he's inside, he looks around, finds a bunch of her 'appliances' scattered about the floor then sits on the lavish sofa that faces her.

"Good."

She sighs then steps away from the small trash bin that she used to help her tie the noose to the ceiling. Konstantin catches her interest for every time he arrives at her doorstep, he always has something interesting to tell her and despite wanting her alone time to reconsider her suicide attempt, she still wants to hear what he's bringing for her.

"Eve knows where you are and she's calling the institution on you. I have a car outside and you have a few minutes until they arrive."

That wipes off the smile on her face-- such a disappointment of a wife. Isn't it enough that she's left her? Now she also wants her back in that shitty place again?

"Where do you think we're going?"  
"Unfortunately, my house."

He scrunches his nose at the last two words. She always manages to start a commotion with his daughter Irina then somehow destroy some of his belongings in the process, whether it's his jacket that catches fire or the carpet that takes a spill. He's only doing this because Oksana is a part of his family and he treats anyone who's a part of it well.

"Right. Not interested. I don't want to grieve with your monster daughter around."  
"Don't you miss your hometown?"

"Konstantin, my parents died there alongside my pet dog and my ex."  
"Yes, well that's because you murdered them."

Oksana laughs. Now she can recall why she got into prison then the asylum soon after.

"Fair enough. Let's get going."

She abandons all of her things in the room then follows Konstantin through a very quiet car ride towards the airport. She's going back to Russia. She wonders about what's left of her there. She certainly won't be going back to her birthplace. She'll be staying in Moscow with Konstantin and his family.

Perhaps she'll get a job as a writer or a translator while she's at it. Perhaps this time her life will be better and so will Eve's without her. She's sure that she'll find someone else _better **\--**_ more boring and less sexy than she is. Someone who'll never go to the lengths that she had for her. 

She plans to give her a surprise visit later. She'll bring her lavish bags and expensive dresses then she'll come home to her sitting at the dinner table alone, waiting for her to say sorry and begging for her to come back because her life had gone vanilla without her.

"What are you thinking about?" Konstantin snaps her out of her thoughts.

"Wait, this isn't the way to the airport!" She looks at the road ahead of them.

"No it's not. You're talking to Eve." Oksana looks at him with anger flaming at the pit of her stomach.

She doesn't want to-- in the moment --spend time with Eve. She wants to test just how can she be without her in the long run. She wants her to suffer in the absence of her but now it seems that her plan isn't about to work.

"No! I don't want to! Drive away to the airport!" She instinctively turns the steering wheel as she tries to pry Konstantin's hands away from it.

"You're going to kill us!" He yells.

"I don't care! I rather die than to talk with her!"

She yanks at the steering wheel again, causing the tires to screech violently and the car to shift and bump from left to right. Anyone driving behind them would've called the authorities on them but since it's the high way and it's quite empty so this fight between him and Oksana continues until Konstantin elbows her and the car almost tips over.

"You are talking to her because I am not having you living with me and arguing non-stop with Irina!"

He stomps the gas paddle harder and sets the car speeding through the whole journey. Only slowing and eventually stopping once they arrive at Eve's place.

"Hop off." She growls at him as she opens the door.

She wonders what Eve wants from her. Does she want a kiss goodbye? Does she want to fight again? She's all for more.

"Oksana."  
"Eve."

She walks into the kitchen and finds Eve sitting at the table, not alone but with a formally dressed man. It must be the lawyer, she thought. Apparently, she had called Konstantin to help her and my God, that man agreed to betray his own niece!

"You haven't signed our divorce paper." Eve and the man look at her.

"Who says I'm ever going to sign it?"

.

.

To be continued


	2. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eve is angry, Oksana is angry, the lawyer is shook. As he's forced to go, both women fail to settle the tension diplomatically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual. Be critical and honest but not mean. Enjoy but not too much because there's a little 'explicit' content nearing the end of the chapter.

Chapter 1

Eve walks towards Oksana with the papers in her left hand and a pen in the other. She paces fast and hard across the floor it's as though she can leave trails of fire behind her. She's seen her wife angry through the 3 years of their marriage but never has she ever found her this… feral. Especially at her.

Eve slams the paper on her chest and Oksana gasps at the contact. She's become quite cruel nowadays and she supposed she deserves it. Doesn't mean she has to act like a bitch to her every time they see each other.

"Sign. The goddamn. Paper. Oksana." She says through gritted teeth.

"No."

Eve does not waver. Not even for a bit. Maybe leaving her hanging like this isn't a very good idea, however, she just wants to see if even the smallest crack or the smallest shift in her will can prove to Eve herself, that she still needs her and she still loves her. She wants to push her pass her limits and see if she'll break. Yet it appears that Eve is stubborn than ever.

Her dark eyes pierces through her grey ones like knives with her jaw wired shut, intimidating. Their height difference suddenly means nothing and their proximity immediately feels like something. Like an electric jolt that course through her veins. Angry Eve somehow manage to turn her on. When she's supposed to be taking this seriously, she can't. Not with how attractive this woman before her has become by her aggressiveness and newfound dominance.

"Madam, I think it would be better for you and your partner to take some time to reconsider. As you know, I don't have all day and I have many other clients to handle."

The lawyer stands from the table to try and put an end to their quarrel but the two wives are still silently giving each other death-stares.

"Fine. We will call you again later. I'm very sorry for this delay, Mr. Bennett. Do escort yourself out." Eve looks away from Oksana to him.

"Good day, ladies. I hope you'll soon come to an agreement."

He opens the door to the front and makes his exit, leaving Eve and Oksana alone inside. Alone again. Together. Like last time. Like every other time before things went terribly wrong. When Eve still wants to see her like she's the most beautiful creature in the world. When she still wants to be loved and cherished by her.

Now she'll get none of that. She only receives glares, fights, and an uncountable amount of deafening silence in every of their recent encounters. She assumes that tonight will be no different than the previous. When is she going to understand that even if she's medically diagnosed as a psychopath, she still feels? She doesn't need to be told off twice or more. She understands. She still has a heart. How else would she trick people to sympathize for her? How else could she live out in the real world where people feel?

"You bitch!"

She slaps the back of her hand across her face and it burns. God, it burns. She's been through worse but somehow Eve being the aggressor is the worst one out of all the other form of physical torture she's received during her time in prison.

"It hurts."  
"I don't care."

Eve takes a step back and she can see that whatever persona she's been putting the whole time to appear cruel and unforgiving, there's still a sliver of sympathy stored deep beneath it and it's showing right now. She's feeling terrible for harming her.

She's going to see just how far can she-

"Fight back. Fight me back! Hurt me and kill me like them!" Eve steps forward to her then balls the collar of her shirt in her fists before pulling it tightly towards her like a mad man. Her face so close she can feel the heat of her anger seeping out of her pores.

"I rather die now then to regret living as your stupid little wife! Tricked over for 3 years and has only known now that her wife is a psychopathic criminal!", she yells again.

Oksana can only stand there and watches her wife slowly bursting into tears. She knows that Eve feels manipulated. Lied to and for years having to go through it like nothing ever happened and that she's never done anything perverse but she feels the same.

Doesn't filing a divorce take time? She was nice and all until she held her at gunpoint one night, telling her to sign the papers then she freaked once she declined where in those moments did she finally figure out that Eve had known her past all along and had been planning on leaving her this whole time.

"You're a monster!"

She's had enough. Oksana has had enough. She puts a hand on the ones that are still clawing at her collar then twist them hard, causing Eve to let go with a scream.

"One little mistake, Eve! One small miss and you already want us to break off this marriage and throw a fit. I've been very patient with you but it looks like you're not being fair."

She backs Eve up until she hits the wall of the passage leading to the kitchen, giving out a small thump around the house. Eve doesn't look away from her eyes even when Oksana sees the fear that starts to build through them.

"Baby, why don't we make this better, huh? Try to work this out? We'll say sorry to each other, we kiss, then we make up! Like before!"

Oksana smiles at her but it doesn't do anything to Eve. Instead, with the training that she knows Eve has been given to by the department, a punch is thrown her way that really, if she hadn't been lucky enough to dodge it, would've fractured some of her bones. It sweeps the smile off her face but not for long because she's up for more trials and errors.

"Don't do that."

Eve on the other hand, looks afraid because that strike was supposed to work. She was certain that her trainer told her about close combats and that move was one of them.

"Don't do that, baby. That's going to kill me and you're going to jail for assaulting a mentally incapable."

She's winning this battle.

"Fuck you!"

She takes Eve's hand forcefully, one that she used to punch her and albeit being very hard to move as she's hesitant, it becomes increasingly easier to once it's drifting closer towards her loin.

"Fuck me?"

Eve gasps as she loses her ability to say anything else. Those fingers have now reached the destination she intended. At first they were unmoving because she wanted to show her persistence but now the two of them curl around her flesh and draw a lewd sigh from Oksana's mouth.

"Fuck me do, Eve."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I really continue this?


	3. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eve and Oksana eventually talk like a normal couple but not before Eve's gun is kept out of sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I've made 4 chapters in a row (5 including the prologue) and am planning to post them all in one day. Enjoy. Be critical and honest but not mean!

Chapter 2

Oksana wakes up next to Eve. They may not be spooning but the closeness that exists between them is enough. Getting to watch her lover naked under the morning sun is more than enough, actually. She basks in the view for as long as she can before Eve finally stirs and comes to her senses. She cracks open an eye and when it finally catches the sight of her, she immediately turns away to bury her head in the pillow while letting out the longest groan she's ever heard. Her wife is regretting the decision to jump into bed with her again.

"Shit." She hears Eve grumbles.

"Don't tell me you didn't love it." She smirks.

She moves towards Eve to kiss her but she folds up like a flower and avoids her.

"Don't be like this. Look, I'll cook us breakfast and we'll talk, okay?"

Eve can't even look at her even after she exits the room. Meanwhile, Oksana ignores her coldness. She keeps telling herself that things will get better eventually. She just needs to take it slow and easy. Eve is stubborn when she wants to be so time is the only thing she can count on aside from herself. She makes them some chocolate waffles and smoothie bowls with nuts and berries just the way she likes it. Once all of them have been set on the table, she hollers at her.

"Eve! Breakfast is ready! Come on down while it's still hot!"

She takes a few steps up the stairs but before she can finish climbing the staircase, she finds Eve aiming a gun at her. This is the second damn time she's aimed a weapon at her. What a very rude lady, she thought.

"What are you going to do with that?"

Oksana has a Cheshire grin painted on her face. She can't possibly shoot her. She's not someone who'll spend hours cleaning the carpet and the floor once her blood splatters everywhere. She's smarter than that. She's a detective.

"Stop you from getting near me."  
"Why didn't you get a restriction order then? Did you forget?"

Eve's grasp on the gun falters and Oksana takes that as a chance to snatch the gun swiftly from her hands then turn the safety lock on before keeping it on a counter nearby. Eve gapes at her speed but Oksana just smiles at her. She's had enough of this petty attempt at assault. She's really starting to push her buttons nowadays.

"Now," she extends her hand at Eve, "let's have breakfast. I'm hungry."

Eve doesn't dare to go against her through the whole meal. She only speaks when she needs to answer her. She doesn't dare to make any moves that will draw any suspicion. She gives her occasional glances every time she's using the butter knife or the fork, afraid that she'll mistake her gesture as a threat. She knows that she's crossed a boundary-- her patience.

They finish eating at 10 and Oksana tells her that she was about to go for a jog but she changed her plans because she wants to stay home with her. Eve really minds that. She's trying to find reasons to go but then she realizes that it's the weekend.

"I know you want to leave."

Oksana eyes her and lingers around her like a cat.

"Don't be a smart ass."

Eve faces away from her towards the sink to wash their dishes but Oksana still craves her attention. As she soaps one of the dishes, she can feel her shirt being pulled upwards while a pair of strong arms encircle her waist. She tenses at the touch and even more so when she feels hands roaming dangerously close to her waistband.

"Oksana."

A kiss is planted over the scar she has on the back of her neck and it creates a path down to her back, to the sliver of skin left uncovered by the collar of her t-shirt, tempting her to turn around and just give in to her.

"Stop."

That hand eventually slips into her pants and runs through the patch of hair she has there before it slides even lower to allow a finger to spin circles around the bundle of nerves there, while the other descends deeper to find, to touch, to--

"Shit-- "  
"Shh. How are you this ready?"

Eve sighs and when she talks, she slurs. She never expects herself to slur in moments like this.

"I thought you wanted to talk."  
"You didn't seem to want to at all."

At this, Eve turns around to face her and although she can barely think because Oksana's hand is still moving and coaxing inside her. She drags herself to keep her focus steady and her articulation right. She needs to end this because Oksana needs to see that things don't just change to the better after they jump each other's bones.

Eve clamps her hand around Oksana's wrist and pulls her hand out from in between her legs like unplugging a cable off of a socket. She wants to protest at the loss of contact as her body has just begun to give in to the excitement but Eve refuses to say anything. She only whimpers and takes a few seconds to get over it.

Oksana reluctantly abides by Eve but she finally follows through. She lets her decide. Giving in is the only plausible option she currently has. She hasn't had the heart to let go of her yet, though. She's still pressing close to her back and indulging in the warmth it radiates. She still plants her lips around her rhomboids and her cleavage, reaching forth very easily from her height.

"I want us to talk."  
"You didn't even bother discussing this divorce with me. You came to me with it very suddenly it's very rude, Eve."

She spins Eve around so that they're face to face with each other. At this point, she can see just how guilty her wife feels yet she can care less about her recklessness, she wants to let her bear the guilt of her inconsiderate choice. She should apologize to her.

"I know. I'm sorry. I'm scared."

Oksana laughs bitterly.

"Have I ever hurt you even when you disagree with me for like 99% of the time? If you really wanted me away, at least give me a reasonable answer as to why you want that. Me being a subclinical psychopath with records don't make sense especially when I've never hurt anyone since prison. You watched too many movies, Eve."

There's a moment of silent staring between them again. Eve really wants to buy her words but then she remembers this one particular detail that file contains.

"You murdered your ex because she rejected you and married someone else. She disagreed with you and took a bullet through her head."

Oksana grabs hold of her hands and looks deeply into her eyes,

"Eve, it was a false accusation! I served time and didn't dare to defy because I had no one to back me up. Anna killed herself. I was there, Eve. I saw her shot herself. I can fly us back to Russia if you really want to know."

This time, Eve's the one who's laughing. She feels ridiculous all of the sudden. She should trust her wife, right? If she wants this to work again?

"Why didn't you tell me right away?"  
"The same reason you didn't about us splitting up."

Eve gives her a questioning look.

"I guess not. I'm just against people running away from me. You included."

.

.

To be continued

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just got one hit and got really excited! Thanks for reading, yo! Whoever you are! Leave a comment and some kudos only if you feel that I deserve it.


	4. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eve finally gets what she wants from Oksana and Oksana provides very easily, surprising her so much that even when she can already go, she still questions her decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be critical and honest, not mean. Enjoy this chapter. I just got 7 hits. THANK YOU FOR STOPPING BY!
> 
> Other than that, I've been experiencing a little technical problem, can anyone please elaborate the correct way of adjusting chapters? I wrote my prologue then it got placed on chapter 1 that the first chapter needed to be moved to chapter 2. I'm confused and unfortunately too lazy to read the web's instructions. So, if you'd help, that'd be great.

Chapter 3

It's been three days since they're at each other's throat. 72 hours after the fight in the kitchen and the confession they shared a day after. Time feels slower to Eve than it is for Oksana and that cannot be good. She feels like living in hell with her around. Every day is a torment. She wants out. She needs out. She doesn't want to live around her. She's seen that file. She's seen her victims. She burned someone alive, she nearly killed someone during her school years, she chopped off someone's dick then she proceeded to murder an older woman who was allegedly her lover. She feels like an idiot after remembering that she had never run a background check the minute Oksana decided on a second date.

She's just so young and lovely that it's downright awful for anyone to think that this young lady had taken the lives of many in such a gruesome way. She had never thought that she has a mental disorder either but that's probably because she forgot about asymptomatic psychopaths. She'd seen her wife acting like one but she never once touched on the topic. She'd always been too hesitant to assume or even ask and Oksana had never displayed any obvious signs that could confirm her suspicion. She doesn't want to distrust her own wife. Well, she doesn't have it in her to do it.

She loves her and they're married and this whole furor she created after requesting for the divorce document is starting to feel regrettable.

She knows that there are psychopaths out there whose partner has accepted how and who they really are but she can't. Why can't she be like those people? She's known her past but shouldn't she give her a chance to be a better person?

"Baby, I'm home! I've just bought these delicious truffles, we're definitely going to-- Eve?"

Eve is sitting on the floor in front of the TV with her legs folded onto her chest, staring into nothingness. She's unusually not at work investigating some high-profiled criminals. She had told her that she's staying and she's grateful but this morning just feels off.

"Eve, are you okay? Are you sick?" She hears hefty paper bags being dropped onto the ground while Oksana appears in the corner of her eyes, kneeling with both legs next to her with one hand placed on top of her forehead.

"I'm... okay. I'm okay. I was just… meditating."

Her eyes are wide with concern when Eve looks at her. She retracts her hand then promptly pulls her into her embrace where Eve almost immediately leans onto her touch. She breathes in the familiar scent of her soap and perfume while her muscles begin to unwind.

"Oh baby. If you have something on your mind, you better tell me." She raises one of her hands to run through Eve's wild curls then plants a soft kiss on her scalp afterwards. She uses her other hand to rub gentle circles around her back until she slowly slips away from her hold.

"I want out, Oksana. I want to be out of your life. Please."

Oksana looks as though she had just been stabbed in the gut.

"but Eve, I thought that we're about to make this work?"

No. No can do. She's too scared. She'll never become those people because she's too scared. She's left with only two ways of solving this predicament. The first one would be where she thought about discussing the matter at hand with her through persuasion-- which may or may not work while the second one would be where she thought about leaving her quietly. Eve has assessed the risks and considered the probability of sneaking out on her. The quieter she becomes, the more insufferable she gets, the more, hopefully, Oksana feels strongly about leaving her.

She had never would've guessed that she'll fall back to her wife miserably.

Maybe it's the sex? It has to be it. Is it because she still manage to handle her and love her regardless? Perhaps-- but is it because she's scared that if she overstepped a boundary that her wife can't tolerate anymore, she may get killed? Yes. A big yes to that.

She's scared of being murdered by Oksana. She knows she's not quite as young as she'd like to think she is but she still wants to live and if she has to die, she doesn't want to die getting murdered by someone that she married.

"No. Please end this."

Oksana gets up then leaves Eve on the floor. She doesn't say anything, she just leaves. She then returns with a document after what feels like an hour of sitting there, staring at the empty TV screen again.

"Here. I signed the papers but just know that since this house is under my name, I still want to live here-- and I will not pay the bills while I'm at it like I used to because by now you're only staying with me so you're paying."

She doesn't even need to tell her about that. Eve came prepared the day she decided to seperate from her. It's just that she's a bit irked by how easy she's getting her escape from her.

"Wait, so that's it?"  
"What? I'm not going to force my own wife. I do what she wishes. I do what you want me to. You want out? I'm giving it to you."

She says it like it's a matter of fact but her face doesn't show it. She seems almost… pained and sour and she knows that somewhere deep inside her is an anger she's trying to put off. People like her don't display emotions involuntarily. They're calculated and so is she. She's grieving because she needs to. She also wants to-- perhaps perceiving it as a form of desperate attempt to make her reconsider this divorce. Yet, of course, it's not working. It's never going to work. She's too smart to be fooled again for another year.

"This is so unlike you."  
"Eve, please. Don't make me change my mind."

That's odd.

"Just yesterday you told me that you don't like it when people run away from you."

Oksana walks towards the living room table to put the papers and after she's done so, she turns to Eve and cocks an eye brow while flashing a grin at her,

"You're not really running away from me."

.

.

To be continued

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment and kudos if you feel like I deserve it.


	5. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eve finally goes and Oksana is finally alone. Oksana might've given up but really, she still persists. Eve just ought to prepare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be critical and honest, not mean. Enjoy this chapter. I just got 9 hits. THANK YOU FOR STOPPING BY!

Chapter 4

Eve moves out the next morning. Oksana lets Eve have the bed for the night while she slept in on the couch. She wakes by the thunk of their kitchenwares and the sweet smell of cooking pancake batter alongside Eve being busy around the house. She has, apparently, tidied up her things since the early hours of morning because she's usually still asleep at this hour but this time she's already set.

When her eyes finally close in on the sight of Eve sitting on the armchair next to the couch with her meal, she notices that her hair is tied up in a messy bun and that she still hasn't changed from her pajamas.

"Morning." Oksana mutters.

"Morning. I've cooked you breakfast." Eve replies.

Suddenly, there's silence in the room. None of them uttering a single word to each other until Eve has finished her breakfast and gets up from the chair to head for the sink. The clunking of her utensils and water running are the only two things that actually go through her ears. It becomes deafening for her and even if she's almost died before, this situation still has managed to top that.

The quiet scares her. It frightens her because they usually chat over whatever things they're doing in the house. Whether they're showering, cooking, or eating, they'd always talk to each other. Never like this. This is way more unnerving then dying.

She wants to say something to break the silence but she eventually succumbs to it. She finishes her food quietly then helps Eve carries her properties into her car. She arranges the boxes in the trunk then the ones placed on the passenger seat, catching a glimpse of the things that solely belongs to Eve and not the ones that she had given to her.

She knows that she must've left her gifts inside to show her whole intention of leaving their life behind which she doesn't really mind about because what really takes up her head is Eve not being able to be by her side anymore. She'll have to wake up alone every morning with the bed cold and empty.

She can find a replacement but nobody looks, smells or tastes like her and that upsets her. Now that she's going away, she realizes that signing those papers is a mistake. Yet, as she had told her, her wishes are her command and if being away from her is what she asks of her then she must abide.

She needs to prove to Eve that she's not who she thinks she is. She's not going to lock her in the basement in a cage or kill her for not being head to head with her.

"Good bye, Oksana."

Her wife is already at the doorway with her backpack slung over her shoulder and her brown leather briefcase held in her hand.

"Can I hug--"

Eve drops the briefcase to the ground then wraps her arms around her. Oksana buries her head on the crook of her neck and runs one of her hands down her hair. She smells like fragrant woods and orange and that's about to be the very last time that the scent signals the presence of her wife because the next time she catches it again, it'll only be a reminder of whom it used to belong to.

"Take care of yourself. We still need to settle a few more things.", Eve said close to her ear before she let go of her.

"Of course."

Eve heads for the car. It's a sleek X6 BMW Oksana somehow managed to buy her in their second anniversary. She lets her keep it for her own and at this point it makes her want to cry and break off the whole agreement.

Maybe she should've stayed. Maybe she's changed. She has made her a better person simply by existing and by being by her side

"If you need anything," Eve turns and looks back at her.

"I'll let you know." Oksana tightly smiles. She's already by the door, leaning onto the frame like a little girl peeking into her parents' room.

"See you at the court."  
"See you."

Eve reopens the trunk then shoves her backpack inside alongside her briefcase. She shuts it, gets into the driver seat then starts the engine. She backs the car away from the lot then honks the horn at her which Oksana retaliates with the wave of her hand before finally driving away from the house.

Her eyes follow the car until it disappears from her periphery. She didn't think twice about stepping in before because it's the only opportunity she has in seeing her before the court. Every single moment that still remains to see her, she'll spend it well because she's going to be alone tonight without her.

She doesn't even think that she's still using the same phone that has her number on it. She's probably bought a new phone that doesn't have her contact and deactivates the one that has. Her stomach clenches and her heart aches. Eve has already taken steps in setting her limits.

It is normal for her to begin now though because once the service of process has been initiated, they would already need to sort their boundaries all the while discussing their date of separation which Oksana doesn't think she can deal with whole-heartedly because she's probably still going to find ways to pull her in back to her arms again and stops her from making the divorce official.

Find ways to stop her from making the divorce official...

_"Hi! Yes?."_

_“Welcome to the suicide prevention hotline provided by the Into The Light Organization. How May I help you?”_

_“Ma’am”,_ she’s going to cry and she’s going to react and this is going to work _, “I—I don’t think I want to live again. I tried—I really tried,”_

_“What’s your name, miss?”_

_“Billie.”_

_"Billie, as you know, we are here to help you. You didn't contact this hotline if you were just fine. Do you have a record of mental illnesses running through your family? Have you had a recent traumatic event that may lead you to where you are right now? Have you been diagnosed with depression or other disorders?"_

_"No, ma'am. I don't know. I just--"_

A little cry won't hurt, she guesses-- alongside her annoying American accent.

_"Yes? You can tell us anything, Billie. We're here for you. I'll walk you through it, okay?"_

Time to put on that one persona she once used.

_"I'm just really bored, you know? It's so boring. I wake up and I think, 'Again? Really? I have to do this again?' So, I'd try to find ways to make myself feel something; more and more and more but it doesn't make any difference. No matter what I do, I don't feel anything. I hurt myself, it doesn't hurt. I buy what I want, I don't want it. I do what I like, I don't like it. I'm just so bored."_

She gives a beat. For assurance.

_"Thank you for sharing that, Billie. There are times where things are stark and life feels so stagnant. When you lose someone you love, when you lose your purpose and when you feel like you don't have a goal to reach anymore."_

_"So what do you suggest I do?"_

_"I suggest you take some time off of your usual routine. You make time for yourself to rediscover yourself. Leave the city for a while, travel somewhere, anywhere. Or we can recommend you some of our highly skilled therapists and a session or two of group meetings."_

_"I think I'll try the shrink. I need someone to talk to."_

_"Okay. Do you have an e-mail address, Billie?"_

_"Yeah.”_ a sniff and a snort just to be convincing, _"Of course."_

_"You can contact the list of therapists we employ on our website through mails. If you wish to directly contact them, we've also put their phone numbers on their profile."_

_"Okay. Thanks. For all of this and for listening."_

_"We're always pleased to save a life."_

_"Wait, is Doctor Pargrave available? I'm looking into your website right now and I thought I'd go with him."_

So close. So, so close.

_"Please hold for a moment, I'm looking through his schedule."_

A little shuffling, clicking, and rustling, and she’s on the line again.

_"He's available on Thursdays and Fridays for an hour session. Do you want to confirm your registration?"_

_"Oh. That's uh… that's great. When can I start?"_

_"You can come this week. We would've already informed him the moment you end this call. So what do you say?"_

_"Yes to the therapist?"_

The woman on the other side laughs.

_"Okay then. Need anything else?"_

_"No, ma'am. I'm already grateful that you're helping me out with this."_

_"Don't mind it. Take care, Billie."_

_"You too, ma'am."_

She closes the phone and…

_Bingo!_

The woman on the TV she's been blankly staring at for the rest 15 minutes of the call screams with such delight as colorful confetti strips fall from the ceiling—mimicking her current joy. She can’t believe that her plan is working. She only needs to worry about her outfit now. She has an appointment to attend to and Eve has someone she should really be on the lookout for.

.

.

To be continued

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment and kudos if you feel like I deserve it.

**Author's Note:**

> So what do you think? Leave a comment and if you feel like it, kudos. Thanks for reading!


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